When you’re in a relationship life can seem so great. You’re in love, talking about the future and spending the days together cuddling up in bed. You can’t break up, they won’t become your ex. That’s when you take the next step, bringing up the idea to take a trip together months down the track. Which seems amazing at the time, things are better than they have ever been, and that won’t change, right?
The days are spent planning this vacation, choosing a country, creating an itinerary. You book this 6 months in advance to make those airfares more affordable. You’ve been together 1 year, so you can easily make it a little longer. Though a month before you are set to depart, things fall apart, you no longer love what attracted you to them and it’s time to call it quits. Now comes the awkward elephant in the room. . . what happens with the trip you are about to leave for. Neither one of you wants to sacrifice your hard earned money so you bite the bullet and say ‘how hard can it be?’
Truth be told, extremely hard, and I am speaking from experience. There were tears shed, voices raised and strong opinions galore, though we both had an amazing time and he actually met a girl which he is still with as I write this. So I created a list to ensure anyone else in the same position can make the most of their holiday. Because even if it may not be the most ideal situation there are certain things which can be done to ensure everyone survives and stays sane.[toc]
SEX- Not with the ex, not with anyone else
Let’s get right down to the dirty part, don’t do it. By it I mean sex and by don’t do it I mean if that thought even slightly crosses your mind shut it down immediately. This is best for both of you. Lets be honest you broke up for a reason. Right now, you’re enjoying a break from the realities of life, confusion and stress are the last thing you need. Holidays involve drinking and those drinks can well indeed make your mind fuzzy. They’re looking good with that sweet sun tan, but don’t let those beer/cocktail goggles fool you, you’ll sure regret it in the morning.
It isn’t just sex with your ex you should refrain from, also as hard as it may be, sex with anyone else. So yes, that means the summer romance you have been dreaming about with that sexy Italian, the charismatic Frenchman or perfectly sculpted Brazilian can’t happen. The reason behind this is pretty obvious, the evil green jealousy monster. Even if you and them aren’t together anymore. Perhaps you even ended on good terms. Just remember feelings can be easily hurt and we are all very vulnerable after a break up.
Remember this person that you are travelling with will be following you back home. You will probably have mutual friends. So, unless you want to seem like a heartless bitch, just keep the clothes on and respect eachothers feelings. Even if you may be friends and getting along well, don’t rock the boat. The holiday isn’t over yet, one night isn’t worth ruining someone else’s holiday.
Be friends but also be independent
This is all about finding the perfect balance. The balance of being friends, or if that seems impossible just dealing with your ex, and also going off having your own adventures, solo time. You’ve booked activities together and planned what attractions you’d like to visit. Travel to some of these places together and do some of what was originally planned. This person is someone you once laughed with and stayed up all night talking to. Just because you aren’t together anymore doesn’t mean that suddenly their personality has changed and they’ve become totally unrelatable.
Saying this, it doesn’t mean that you have to spend each and every moment with them, hell no. There will be things you planned to do and explore that you had to compromise on. Maybe they didn’t want to hike around the coast and you didn’t want to visit the historical museum. Well guess what, you no longer have to deal with doing their crap and they no longer need to deal with yours. Talk to them about this, come up with an agreement “On Friday you do this and I’ll do this”. Make sure they know you aren’t ditching them because you hate them, rather you would prefer to do a different activity.
This is simple, be respectful of your ex. Even if the break up isn’t fresh, things you say can hurt them. Don’t go getting with someone else. Don’t leave them stranded and alone. Don’t say “this confirms why we aren’t with eachother”. Just treat them how you would want them to treat you. Even if you may want to shout at them and storm off, refrain from doing this. Instead take a deep breath and go to the bathroom if you need some space. Just know that the situation isn’t forever, it’s just for-holiday.
It’ll Make You Realise Why You Aren’t Together
You may not be able to say this aloud, but you can think it, and trust me you’ll be thinking it, ‘thank god you aren’t with them anymore’. Now you don’t need to dress up, chuck on a face full of makeup, put on a push up bra and your tightest dress. Loose clothing and a bit mascara will suffice. As long as you’re semi presentable to go outside, nothing else matters.
The things they do and the way that they would react in situations no longer bother you. You aren’t attached to them anymore. There’s no more us or we, just you and I. Their once absolutely humiliating actions now just make you laugh of relief. This is such an amazing feeling of freedom. You may have to deal with them on this trip. Though, when you get back home you can head your separate ways.
Laugh and Don’t Have Regrets
My last point on how to survive travelling with an ex is honestly to laugh and not have any regrets. I know, it sounds cliché, but seriously if you can’t laugh this trip is going to be hell. You can’t take what happens to heart, if they hurt you, it just confirms that you aren’t right for each other. Don’t scoop down to their level. Rise above that and remember that in the future it’ll be the amazing activities and adventures you went on that you will remember not the petty arguments.
So don’t freak out that you and your partner have just broken up and you have wasted thousands of dollars. Seriously go for it, enjoy a break from real life. Even though it may not be the ideal situation, it certainly is possible with hard work and respect.